TSGT vs Kickle Monsters vs. Drunken Bastard vs. Umps vs. State of California 16 to 4 to 55 to -64 to $400M

Tonight’s matchup pitted bitter rivals White Trash Cheese Dip Umps against Team Sports Glory Team for the second week in a row. This time, however, TSGT was in the haouse, burning down the haouse, and then running screaming from the haouse, etc. Bob and weave. Juke steps. 720º spins while flying through the air. 

The shit went down and no one was safe, not even Charles. The scale of rampant randomness was far too much for our poor umps to handle. COHESIVE SPORTS WHAT?!?!? AAArrrrcghhhh….. As a final attempt at retaliation, the umps launched an ejection attack against TSGT’s own Drunken Bastard, who deflected it using only the power of the sun, a bic pen, and his shiny white ass. The net result was a utter defeat for said White Trash Cheese Dip umps.

In other news the apparent fission of Sports Cap’n went well, with the arrival of “Ianfinetismal” - the next successor in the Sports Cap’n - Chubtoe empire of sports kickitude.