You forgot Poland! So did Kickballski’s. They forgot to fly their polish falcon and as such failed to conquer TSGT: Operation Mission. While the score was close at first, once we started the game, it quickly became clear that we were a lovely shade of brown and ready for severe base running. We ran ourselves ragged making points and scoring kicks. 

Just because the game ended didn’t mean Team Sports Glory Team stopped scoring kicks and making points. The onslaught continued well into the night, ending with a record-setting win of 72-6 as the rosy fingers of dawn began to reach skyward. 

Umping commenced with typical ballistic belligerent flair. 

Tonight’s matchup pitted bitter rivals White Trash Cheese Dip Umps against Team Sports Glory Team for the second week in a row. This time, however, TSGT was in the haouse, burning down the haouse, and then running screaming from the haouse, etc. Bob and weave. Juke steps. 720º spins while flying through the air. 

The shit went down and no one was safe, not even Charles. The scale of rampant randomness was far too much for our poor umps to handle. COHESIVE SPORTS WHAT?!?!? AAArrrrcghhhh….. As a final attempt at retaliation, the umps launched an ejection attack against TSGT’s own Drunken Bastard, who deflected it using only the power of the sun, a bic pen, and his shiny white ass. The net result was a utter defeat for said White Trash Cheese Dip umps.

In other news the apparent fission of Sports Cap’n went well, with the arrival of “Ianfinetismal” - the next successor in the Sports Cap’n - Chubtoe empire of sports kickitude.

Kickbots have once again sought to defend their honor from Team Sports Glory Team besmirchment. And their wiley wiles besmirched us besmirchingingly. Yet out of nowhere a new contender in the White Trash Cheese Dip umpires. They seemed to single handedly shift an epic battle into one of resentment & sadness for everyone, including grains of sand and blades of grass. The entire field felt sadness and bewilderment. Out of nowhere negative 25 points were awarded to Team Sports Glory Team in respect for the fact that TSGT’s belligerence capacity equals that of a small, drunken nation. In the end it seemed the refs would win today. 

Team Sports Glory noted the mysterious absence of Sports Cap’n, who it was rumored was busy osmotically preparing himself for asexual reproduction by fission. In his place Marie “Kinder Bueno” Kay was appointed vice chancellor of captainitude. her first act as VCC was to not show up and thus a bloodless coup ensued beautiful enough to make William of Orange weep. In her stead Charles “Wasn’t I always Vice Captain anyways?” “Drunken Master” Lagerquist was on hand to lay down the smack and talk and smack talk.

Despite Old Salty’s best attempts, we got trounced by the St Paul natives. Why they’re playing in Minneapolis is beyond me. Clearly they must be afeared of playing the big kickers in Capital City, such as “We Put the FU back in Fun“ 

Beyond high stakes belligerence, we had a fair amount of self degradation afoot. Competitiveness and Blame were tossed about like so many half-inflated beach balls, until at last we drowned in a sea of our own beach balls. We vow to find new scapegoats and focus less on the negative & more on the customer!