This was a night of nights. Kicking of kicking. Our old arch-nemeses, the Kickbots, demanded more opportunities to beat us at our own game, and so we gave it to them. We prepared vehemently via 2 full hours of pregaming. We feasted. We stretched. We drank from the skulls of fallen adversaries. All of these preparations combined for a game which earned us more anti-Kickbot runs than any other team in our league. A valiant 8 runs were scored, thanks in part to HR King, Buttons.
Luckily, they scored even more. All of this was according to plan, since we must avoid at all costs, actually being responsible for playing in any tournaments or other such exports of effort beyond what we were signed up for.
This week, we were more than fired up. We were beyond the melting point of diamonds. Operation Melting Points and Pints was a success, beginning with a 7pm pregame that (deceased garage doors excluded) went off splendidly. From 10″ Polish sausages to Bacon-Cheddarwursts, Team Sports Glory Team was in The House, and then Burned Down the House.
We carried our sports mojo forth in a crusade to the field, some of us arriving via golden Audi Chariots, while others came down to the field with jetpacks and helicopters. And who could forget the amazing zipline that El Flaco used to cannonball himself into the chest of their pitcher?
Best of all was the giant inflatable Lagerquist that gave us all rides around the field, towed by pigeons.
Oh, and we won. Somehow we just kept the runs a runnin’! Operation Don’t Listen To Charles was a success, as was Operation Operation.
Despite Old Salty’s best attempts, we got trounced by the St Paul natives. Why they’re playing in Minneapolis is beyond me. Clearly they must be afeared of playing the big kickers in Capital City, such as “We Put the FU back in Fun“
Beyond high stakes belligerence, we had a fair amount of self degradation afoot. Competitiveness and Blame were tossed about like so many half-inflated beach balls, until at last we drowned in a sea of our own beach balls. We vow to find new scapegoats and focus less on the negative & more on the customer!
After some glorious umping and other such chaos at 7pm, Team Sports Glory Team trampled the field with their magnificence and pulled out an 11-2 victory in the 2006 season opener. Doc Brown and Xy McYerson were among the many who cleaned the house time and again after we stacked it full of base runners. Xy McYerson with the sports gouge of the game, leaving his DNA and viscous blood juice all over the field after a spectacular slide for special glory.
We’re leading the field in runs! Let’s keep running! They shall not stop the running of our pointy toes.
